weeks afterwards

weeks afterwards

that hatred you encounter

that darkness you never wish for

never get used to

but persistently bear

simply because you want

if only for one moment

to be your own self

and not only the shadow

of your own light

when you no longer endure

babbling everyday full

of oxygen bubbles

like artificial respiration

to a cold old wood stove

hum your ears empty

with songs of eternal happiness

or sell your soul

for a moment of peace

apologize for the longing

that glimpsed upon life -

am I the one I believe I am

or

am I the one you say I am?

saliva and gravel

your dogged determination

the crying in the staircase

weeks afterwards

.

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